Ugh. This is the part where doubt creeps in, and I wish I could just separate myself from the data.
What will be will be.
They said they were unsure if they would stim me for another day and push the retrieval out a day or if they would just pull the eggs out that they saw and hope for the best. So now I await the phone call letting me know which way it will go.
There is this force of anticipation, and utter hope. The two conflict, one says be more patient, the other has no limits.
Doubt. Doubt. Doubt. Sneaking in my head and heart. I think with the IVF process it all comes down to this, letting go. It's hard to let go, and jump and just know in your heart there is a greater plan for you. And you may fall, and you may fly - but regardless you are safe in a plan greater than oneself and perhaps faith is the liberating tool. I have faith that no matter what happens, I will survive it, be stronger for it, and learn from it.
And I am brought back to one of my now favorite quotes:
"No matter how much the spring wind loves the peach blossoms, they still fall."
More with the call from the nurse...
