Day 10 and Trigger Night

Well, looks like we're triggering tonight! Estrogen came back at 1485 is very close to what it was in 2008 (1435). So that means we're looking at at least 5 or 6 eggs. So, not GREAT, not TERRIBLE, but it is what it is.

They said to take my trigger tonight exactly at 8pm and that my egg retrieval would be at 8am Tuesday morning. Nothing to eat or drink after tomorrow at midnight. (ack, no morning coffee??)

I had the nurse mark on my butt a huge circle so M could be sure where to jab that sword tonight. We have to time it precisely, so nothing like obsessing over that for the next 5 hours and 18 minutes. :-)

But this is good, cause I'm done. I'm cooked. I'm tired of this now. I'm wanting to yank the bandaid off. I'm wanting the second positive line already.

BUT! We must wait a few more days for that. Tomorrow I'm supposed to pee on a pregnancy test to confirm that the HCG shot took ahold properly and I've got that all nicely laid out next to the sword IM shot tonight.

This is gonna be an exciting week and weekend.

Day 10 of stims

I went in for my bloodwork and ultrasound once more. I have to say I was a bit disappointed by the number of eggs, mature eggs that is, it was only around 3 with a few following. Yikes.

Ugh. This is the part where doubt creeps in, and I wish I could just separate myself from the data.

What will be will be.

They said they were unsure if they would stim me for another day and push the retrieval out a day or if they would just pull the eggs out that they saw and hope for the best. So now I await the phone call letting me know which way it will go.

There is this force of anticipation, and utter hope. The two conflict, one says be more patient, the other has no limits.

Doubt. Doubt. Doubt. Sneaking in my head and heart. I think with the IVF process it all comes down to this, letting go. It's hard to let go, and jump and just know in your heart there is a greater plan for you. And you may fall, and you may fly - but regardless you are safe in a plan greater than oneself and perhaps faith is the liberating tool. I have faith that no matter what happens, I will survive it, be stronger for it, and learn from it.

And I am brought back to one of my now favorite quotes:

"‎No matter how much the spring wind loves the peach blossoms, they still fall."

More with the call from the nurse...

Day 9 of Stims

I felt ok today. Not my usual normal, or my BCP normal or even my stim normal. Probably better than my stim normal. Still tight and bloated, but I felt ok. I miss yoga and stretching and feeling healthier without so much in my system.

BUT! I'm so close. And when the sonographer was measuring my follicles last time I spotted one and said:

is it you?

In my head of course, but I wonder that. Are you him? Are you her? Will you end up in my arms? Last time seeing follicles and hearing of sperm was all so technical. But now that I have Jonah, and I see what this *stuff* really produces, it's mind blowing. I am STARING at what could end up being my CHILD. She is MEASURING and poking and prodding what could be my daughter or son! Weirdness abounds, but it's appreciated.

I just took my final shots. Well, before the big HCG shot tomorrow night. But it felt good to throw the last one in the sharps container. Ok, that's it I said. One more tomorrow night at trigger and we're done with injections completely!

I do have a boat ton of vaginal suppositories that I will be placing in my vag 3 times daily that will leak out of me like some kind of offputting science experiment but that's for another post!

Tomorrow is day 10 of stims. I'm going in for an ultrasound and more bloodwork. This is how it went in 2008. And a second post when I realized I'd be triggering that night.

2.5 days until we conceive Life.

Half of me and Half of M will come together and grow.

7.5 days until we attempt to rejoin he or she back to its home in my womb.

Will it park it for nine more months? We shall see.

Day 8 of stims and Stim Check #2

Day 8 stim check went well. I now look like I'm two or three months pregnant due to the bloat, so I figured - hey why even have an embryo transferred? I'll just keep bloating up my uterus and start emulating pregnancy this way!

Ok, no.

I'd go into how many follicles they saw and the measurements and what have you, but I've learned from previous IVF cycles not to get caught up in that game. I only got 10 eggs, 8 mature when we conceived Jonah, and it literally only takes one. So, I'm gonna keep my analytical self out of this part this time around to save myself the stress and headache. It is all out of my control now anyway, so there is nothing in my power to change anything.

I'm doing great self-care though, acupuncture and massage today, chiropractic last week. I felt great after the acupuncture today, I felt lighter and "clearer" even though that seems odd. I will have a session done prior to transfer and immediately after transfer.

I have to come in on Sunday again to monitor my Big Ole Eggs, and I'm pretty sure they will have me trigger on Sunday, to harvest the eggs on Tuesday. (OMG SO SOON!) What is trigger you ask? That's the HCG shot that matures my eggs to completion and prepares them for a'pluckin'. This HCG shot is an IM shot and one that M will have to give me in my butt. No way am I brave enough to jab that Pulp Fiction like needle into my own ass. No thanks.

The timing of this shot is crucial, as my eggs need to be taken out within a certain time period after the shot. Hours count. So we will make sure to be Super Prepared for this last oldie but goodie injection.

My box o' meds has dwindled down to nearly nothing. There's vicodin for the egg retrieval (thanks, btw!) and antibiotics and my vaginal progesterone suppositories and that's it! Wild.

Nurse B called with my results from todays stim check:

Estrogen @ 725

My dosage instructions for to stay the same!

We're down to the wire. Last few days left and then it will be out of our hands and into the hands of great science and even greater, Life.

Day 7 of stims.

Yoga Pants. From now until retrieval.

SAYS MEH BELLY.

Day 6 of Stims

Yep, that's right. I've upgraded (or downgraded as it were) to the ponytail-holder-in-the-jeans trick. I can no longer button my jeans without unreasonable discomfort so this pregnancy trick is tiding me over.

I feel big. There is a solid band around my gut that doesn't really move when I move. It is very much like the first three months of pregnancy, again ironic.

I believe the Certotide gave me a massive migraine last night but I won't put it on the side effect list unless it happens again. I *know* these stims are working, I look forward to seeing Friday's output. And I look forward to the acupuncture!

Ok, off to roost.

BRB (Bloat Right Back)

Day 5 of Stims and Stim Check #1

We have some eggs a cookin'!

Today's appointment went well. I had one huge follicle at 12 mm and several bordering on 10 mm and 11mm. She said it's too early to tell, but she can definitely say we're perfectly normal. Me, normal? Why not.

She also said it's likely they will have me back for another ultrasound on Saturday or Sunday. This should be the final ultrasound before egg retrieval! Wow.

Nurse B called and gave me my instructions for the next couple of days:

Estrogen was @ 283 (2008, it was 192)

Continue the Gonal F @ 225 units

Double the Menopur to 150 units

Add Antagonist med Certotide at .25 units

So - so far so good. What's next?

Tonight I start a new medication called Certotide, this helps prevent premature ovulation. We don't want those suckers to pop until we're ready. This will be in combination with my stim meds. Another shot please? Sure, step right up!

Then, when the follicles are looking prime for pickin', I take another shot called HCG. Yes, this is the same HCG that pregnant women have running through their bodies. Why would you take HCG? To mature those last follicles before we pick em.

The funny thing is, after I take the HCG shot, my pregnancy tests come up positive. Ok, not that funny - ironic if you will. But being the Type A data person that I am, I continue to "test out" the HCG so I know I'm starting with a clean slate prior to transfer. (Test out means you just keep peeing on tests throughout the day until the tests can no longer detect HCG in your system.)

But more on that in a couple of days!

Day 4 of stims again

Ugh. I feel achey. Full and achey. There's a party happening in there. Heating pad on my back. ow.

Day 4 of stims

Well, something is definitely happening in there. (there being my ovaries, what did you think???)

I've got mild and uncomfortable cramping along the line of my back, for you ladies out there, it very much feels like when you're about to get your period and your lower back hurts like a $#%#^. Yeah that's what it feels like right now.

My stomach feels tight as well and not in the 6 pack way, in the way that it feels tight to do simple turns, bend and touch my toes, you name it. I definitely see why they don't want yoga during this time period!

Only a week from tomorrow until conception day and these suckers can come out.

I'll definitely be eager to see how tomorrow's Day 5 stim ultrasound goes! Here's what I remember from 2008 on Day 5 of stims.

Day 3 of Stims

Day 3! Not much to report as far as the stims are concerned. Definitely some ovarian twitches here and there, but not the bloat, yet. I have two bloodwork and ultrasound appointments this week to confirm my eggs are blossoming, Tuesday and Friday.

Friday I also scheduled an acupuncture appointment. She said it's also great during stim week because it brings a lot of blood and energy into the uterus. Sign me up! A few more needles can't hurt!

9 days until conception....

First Stimulation Shot(s)! Day 1 of Stims

This innocent enough looking basket and two bags contain everything necessary to give me my first two shots tonight.

On Closer Inspection....

Aha! There you are needles and alcohol pads!

Now it's Go Time for my ovaries.

And as promised, a video of the first shot. But this time my fan-obsessed son is in the background!!

11 days until conception.....

tick, tock, tick tock....

P.S. Do you like my "GROW EGGS GROW" background??? :-)

Suppression Check

Well, I'm back from my suppression check. Turns out, I'm depressed. NO I'M NOT, I'M SUPPRESSED!

Ok, corny joke. You get the gist. My follicles are calm, at the starting line, going "Come on bitches! SHOOT THE GUN!"

Here's how my suppression check went the first time in 2008.

This time at the new clinic, they are definitely more hands off which I'm appreciative of. They did no blood work so no estrogen counts to worry about. They did do a vaginal ultrasound again (what am I talking about, they've all been vaginal, you're welcome!) and she said there were no cysts on either side. She noticed 6-8 follicles on one side (right) and 8 or 9 on the left side (easier to see, she said). So that's at least 14 follicles that could be primed for pumping, likely more and just not visible on the ultrasound.

In 2008, I got 10 total eggs on Conception Day (Egg Retrieval Day). It will be interesting to see how my body responds to this new antagonist cycle as opposed to the Long Lupron cycle.

Nurse B called to tell me to start my stimulation meds on Friday!

*drum roll please*

• Gonal F Pen 225 units
• Menopur 75 units

I am to inject these two different meds every night until they tell me to stop or increase it or decrease it. My next appointment is on May 3rd to check to see how plump these suckers are!

So, today and tomorrow are my last (again) unmedicated days for quiiiiite some time. (14 weeks?) M's done his part, now I'm up to bat.

Friday begins the process of growing my baby. :-)