I took the box and I think both Jenny and I were surprised! It was full to the brim of all sorts of stuff. Stimulation meds, HCG hormones, hydrocodone, and more. I wasn't intimidated this time around. In fact, I ran to get my other bag of meds to combine them so I could feel safe with them all in one spot. There were needles a plenty, alcohol swabs and of course the sharps container you'll see Jonah holding in his hand. That's where you store all the used needles.
I feel a little scared to be honest. Scared of what the medications will do to my body and mind, but I feel ok with it. A calm with it. I am scared of it not working. And people feeling bad for me, and me feeling bad for me but I know I will of course persevere and continue the journey.
Talking to Jenny today, I realized that we are all in stages of our lives, and though not exact - they are similar. And we all have wisdom to offer one another no matter the stage we are in. But in the end, it's all ok. The stages, phases, patterns, inconsistencies, confusion, all of it is beautiful and hard but beautiful.
I feel lucky to have close family and friends who lift me in this journey, I feel their support even as I type these words. It means a lot.
Since my new normal is being on birth control, I will say that I have five birth control pills left to take before my new normal changes into my old new normal and I take on a new new normal.
This is one where I am injecting myself every night with medicine that cause my eggs to all grow fiercely at the same time, tweaking the natural process of reproduction for selfish (but awesome!) purposes of harvesting (which it truly is) as many mature eggs as possible. I will likely experience side effects and unclear thinking, headaches, crying and irritability. I will be a Huge Ass Chicken. This is what it boils down to, a Huge Ass Chicken who will day it take it one day at a time. One day at a time.
