The Day Before Suppression Check

Knock, knock. Hey eggs, you in there? It's me, your momma. You've been quiet for a good nineteen days and tomorrow we're gonna make sure that you're teensy tiny, not making any noise or even THINKING about growing. Rest up little ones, cause soon it's.....

PARTY TIME!!!!

GET READY TO SHOUT LOUD AND HAVE A DANCE PARTY YA'LL CAUSE IT'S STIMULATION TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

heh.

I've officially hit my Rock Bottom On Birth Control, and have sunken to new emotional lows (nearly crying because I nicked a baby's finger (Sorry again, M), lashing out at my husband again (are you noticing a trend here yet) and more. It's not been that bad. WAY LESS BADDER than 2008. and 2010. This has been a pinch. And speaking of pinch:

I called the clinic to ask them where the dreaded IM injections of Progesterone in Oil was, and ALAS! They said they don't do them. WHAT? This is 25% of The Suck of the IVF process and poof just like that, it's gone. So, this cycle has been a blast compared to past. I feel lucky.

Will I BE lucky???

NO MORE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS!!!!

I did it!

I survived!

I made it through 19 days of controlled hormones with only a hot leg, some bitchiness and nausea. Not bad Ms. Thing!

Now, on to the hard part.

Tomorrow I go in early for my suppression check and we will see what they have to say! I'm gonna get all my meds, injection needles and alcohol swabs ready to aim, shoot and fire.

Maybe I'll record a video of the first shot like I did the other two IVFs?? Perhaps.

Day 17 on BCP

Tw....o....mor...e.....da....y...s of birth control. Whew. Two more. I can do this.

Wednesday is my suppression check to see if the birth control has quieted my ovaries enough for the clinic to be satisfied. They hope not to see any cysts or Other Weird Funky Things in my uterus and on my ovaries. They hope to find a pristine, glowing, shiny and sparkly unicorn uterus. And I plan to deliver!!

Once "cleared for takeoff", I start loading my injections and piling them into my belly. Day after day my ovaries will swell with little fat eggs growing and growing. And every day I will pump them up even further and further. Bring it on! (Can you tell I'm feeling cocky tonight?)

And you wouldn't think I would be so cocky given times are a' chaos right now as we just obtained another golden retriever to the clan. We may or may not keep him, but it has certainly given me a glimpse into what adding a newborn may be like. Huge change, everything's crazy, everyone's bickering and ooohing and awwing and enjoying new time and new memories, feelings of jealousy and of projection. Ahhh, good old human emotions. :-)

Every day since the day I started this process I've been crossing off the days and milestones on my IVF calendar. My desk sits looking out to the wonderful trees so it's a little weird to see this hugely prescriptive schedule with a gorgeous natural background. I say weird, but I mean..... comforting. I love crossing off days on the calendar.

Day 15 on BCP and a weird side effect

Day 15, and I'm kinda done being on BCPs now.

I have had a weird side effect pop up and I'm not sure what to think about it. It started yesterday in the car while we were driving, it felt like hot water, not boiling water but hot water ran down my leg with tingles. I looked down and popped up a bit because I thought I'd spilled something but nothing was there.

Then later that night there were like hot sensations going up and down my left leg. Of course I did what no ordinary healthy woman should do, I looked my symptoms up online.

So needless to say, today I am convinced I have a) a deadly blood clot that is going to travel to my lung and kill me once massaged b) have Multiple Sclerosis. Yes, I know - quite a deviation between the two but that's the only thing that I could find describing my symptoms. So, it officially moves to the side effects list on the blog.

Scary warm water feeling on my leg

More scary stories from people with hot water leg

So, I'm hoping that goes away in 4 days which is when I stop taking the pills but it does remind me of just how sensitive my body is to medication and it does kinda scare me a bit. Maybe I will call about it today if it continues.

So anyway, that's how I'm starting off my morning. Wishing I hadn't googled the hell out of my symptoms last night and trying to shake the gloom and doom feeling of mortality into something a bit more positive.

Day 14 on BCP and Meds Arrive!

Enjoying what is always a wonderful sit down playdate with my friend Jenny, I heard a tap on the window and sure enough, it was the Man with the Meds.

I took the box and I think both Jenny and I were surprised! It was full to the brim of all sorts of stuff. Stimulation meds, HCG hormones, hydrocodone, and more. I wasn't intimidated this time around. In fact, I ran to get my other bag of meds to combine them so I could feel safe with them all in one spot. There were needles a plenty, alcohol swabs and of course the sharps container you'll see Jonah holding in his hand. That's where you store all the used needles.

I feel a little scared to be honest. Scared of what the medications will do to my body and mind, but I feel ok with it. A calm with it. I am scared of it not working. And people feeling bad for me, and me feeling bad for me but I know I will of course persevere and continue the journey.

Talking to Jenny today, I realized that we are all in stages of our lives, and though not exact - they are similar. And we all have wisdom to offer one another no matter the stage we are in. But in the end, it's all ok. The stages, phases, patterns, inconsistencies, confusion, all of it is beautiful and hard but beautiful.

I feel lucky to have close family and friends who lift me in this journey, I feel their support even as I type these words. It means a lot.

Since my new normal is being on birth control, I will say that I have five birth control pills left to take before my new normal changes into my old new normal and I take on a new new normal.

This is one where I am injecting myself every night with medicine that cause my eggs to all grow fiercely at the same time, tweaking the natural process of reproduction for selfish (but awesome!) purposes of harvesting (which it truly is) as many mature eggs as possible. I will likely experience side effects and unclear thinking, headaches, crying and irritability. I will be a Huge Ass Chicken. This is what it boils down to, a Huge Ass Chicken who will day it take it one day at a time. One day at a time.

Day 12 on BCP and Sperm Surgery

In five hours, Jonah's babysitter arrives and we head off to the hospital.

Once there, they will put Mark under, and take a needle to his balls. What a husband! Thanks dear.

Last time he had the surgery done, they said his right teste had plenty but that his left one was hard to work with due to a previous injury as a child. Let's just hope they find what they need after tapping the first one.

(I say tapping like its a Sperm Draft Beer or something.)

All stats say there is a high likelihood of us being able to retrieve fine no problem, but boy have we been the victim of stats! (vasectomy reversal, Colic, Frozen Embryo Transfer etc) We will be fine, all will be well and today our child will be plucked from the loins of his/her father.

Here's to half of the journey completed today. After this and our suppression check next Wed, it's Egg Plumpin time.

More when we get back.

Day 8 of BCP

All is going well. The Beast has calmed. The headaches have calmed. I have one normal week next week (my new normal is on BCPs) and after that new normal week, then it's party time. And by party time, I mean a party in my uterus. My ovaries are going to be massive and achy and ready for a popping. Aww close to Easter, how appropriate.

Speaking of eggs, want to see something that sure to make you cringe a little? Ovulation, or the moment an egg is release from a woman's ovary was capture in photography by Dr. Jaques Donnez. It's damn interesting if you're into reproductive stuffs like I am.

Let me draw your attention to this picture:

See that THING labeled follicle? See how red and swollen it looks? See how there is only ONE popping out an egg? Can you imagine 10 or more of those suckers on EACH ovary. Growing as big and fat as possible without popping. Like jiffy pop, scraping across the oven burner, hoping the aluminum doesn't pop over. And right at the last minute, BAM! The doctor goes in and yanks them all out.

Can you imagine my poor swollen uterus with a dozen or so eggs growing looking like that EACH?

Chicken's got some competition.

*all images hideously stolen from hard working people

Day 5 of BCP -The Beast

Well, The Beast is here.

She showed up yesterday getting into the car after music class but I didn't recognize her reflection in the window. I mean, she LOOKS like me, but she is definitely NOT me.

Today my husband got the lash out. Because he gets to shower every morning. By himself. And for some reason this morning that was more than I could take (I'm laughing as I'm typing this...now) and the poor thing held his own with firm kind arms and hugged me and calmed me down. I've been trying my best to shield The Beast from Jonah but I know he feels me agitated.

I think this is when I started to get all crappy last time around, but instead of dwelling on it, I need to breathe deep and find my way out of it.

I am currently staring at a bald eagle in a very tall tree on the water, and life really couldn't get any better. Hang in there with me family (and friends?!), this too shall pass.

For now, a picture of what the IVF # 3 She Beast looks like.

The Beast

Day 4 of BCP

I have my suppression check ultrasound on April 27th.

This will let them know if my ovaries are quiet and ready to be attacked full throttle. If they are, and if there are no cysts, school buses or other crazy things harboring in my uterus then all systems will be a go and I will start stimulating my eggs on 4/29. Stimulating my eggs! Weird! Awesome.

Two weeks left on the BCP. I've definitely been more nauseas this time around on this BCP but I'm powering through. Better get used to feeling ill if we're successful!

3 days on BCP and Sperm Surgery

So far, so ok. Migraines since starting BCP but I'm hoping that will even out soon once my body gets better adjusted. No bitchiness yet!

Mark's surgery to retrieve and freeze his sperm is next Wednesday. Exciting!! Here's to hoping they get some nice plump sperm! Heh.

(You're welcome for this.)

First Birth Control Pill down

18 more to go. :-)

Let's see, I captured my last cycle BCP side effects:

"BCP Side Effects - bitchy, migraines, supply decrease, painful nursing"

I reread some of the BCP posts from the prior cycles but the pictures of beasts and monsters is making me laugh. Oh, such fun! Let's see how this one goes.

Brace yourself friends and family!